Welcome to the rest of your life.
Current music: The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car)
Life has demanded a lot from me recently, in practically all aspects — so much, in such a short span of time. I know I’m not handling it the best way possible, but I’m trying. This isn’t one of the happier episodes in The Abby Show. Still, it’s not a bad one either.
You know the feeling, that you wish you could go back and redo some things in your life? If you’d only known that you were turning into someone else because you wanted to be accepted, no matter what you had to endure to get there. If you’d only known that five years later it would matter enough to break you, when you finally wanted to be true to yourself and other people.
And in the end, you realize that it’s nobody’s fault, really. It just sucks to be you right now. Maybe that’s a little too specific, but I’m sure you get the idea.
I’m going back to Hong Kong next Monday. Sadly, Hong Kong isn’t the exciting wonderland it was to me on my first trip. I remember the flight back from my second trip, and what it meant. I remember thinking that the plane landed pretty smoothly, but I guess that was just my imagination. I’d been imagining a lot of things apparently, and I wish I’d known sooner that that landing would change a lot of what I’ve come to know as… comfortable.
It sucks that I’m not given the right to react negatively like a normal person, just because I’ve never done it before. It sucks that I wasn’t even given an explanation before all this, I at least deserved that, if anything. Or maybe I was never really in the position to deserve it. I’d probably imagined that too.
So I’ll tell you what I’ll do — I have in my hand this Big Reset Button, and I’m using it. It won’t change how things were in the past, it won’t undo mistakes and won’t rephrase words already said. It won’t undo anything. But I’ll press it, and I’ll start over. I’ll take things as they are from now on, and I won’t look back.
I don’t even wanna get answers anymore, because in the larger scale of things, that was never what this was about anyway. Because we can’t change how we are. So it’s fine, as long as we can all respect each other, we can all sleep at night, and ultimately agree to disagree.
And move on.
It seems like it’s gonna be okay for everyone.
